Reaping Wilted Seeds

Her last words were: Mama, I will no longer be pregnant…

I still remember that look on her face. Like she realized she had let me down. Like I could rest now, because the sin she had committed was being washed away, as she let go of the ledge.

I saw her fall. I saw my baby’s body violently make contact with the ground twelve stories below.

It shook me to my core. It shattered my mind.

If only she had known that she was the only pride I had left in this world… the only person who kept me going.

I now realize, she had tried to tell me of her abuse at the hands of a monster. I always had excuses.

I only just found her desperate letters, describing the many times she was raped, seeking in her writing the comfort I refused to give her.

It explained the bruises I noticed on her thighs one day. I thought she had been fighting again, and scolded her.

Mina was stronger than me. Although she fell prey to a molester, I know she never went down without a fight… But now she is gone...

Part of me is grateful that she is the one who did it. I can only imagine the discipline Tunde would have inflicted on her, had he found out about her condition... She may not have survived it...

I sometimes wondered if he wasn’t somehow responsible for her pregnancy… I wouldn’t be the least bit surprised if that turned out to be true. He has raped me before, after some of his lost nights. The worst part about it is that he would not remember it the next day. This made my thoughts about murdering him justifiable.

My child was right, she would no longer be pregnant, because she would no longer be…

And if you are reading this… know that I am now by her side.

PS...

Tunde is buried in the back yard.

©PanAfricus

Panafricus Rex